My husband totally, completely and utterly rocks. No holds barred, no exceptions. When I first mentioned the lap band surgery to him yesterday afternoon, his immediate response was, as it is to almost anything, “We don’t have the money!”

But I guess he mulled things over at work. In the grand scheme of things, a $1500 deductible isn’t that bad. Especially when you consider that on a “slow” week I make around $300. And when I get the decent writing assignments tossed to me, I can make $1200 – $1500 from one of them! And then there’s the 10% surgery costs I’ll be responsible for. Going on the different surgery costs I’ve seen, I am guessing that is somewhere between $1000 and $1500. Again, not that bad.

So when I told him last night that I had already made my appointment on December 12th, to speak with my doctor about the lap band surgery and to get the ball rolling on it, he was very supportive. Like I told him, I don’t want to be the fat mom. My brothers came home telling me that some kids on the bus made fun of him for having a fat sister. I can only imagine what the little fuckers of the future will say and do to torment Alyssa and Ryan.
I want to be healthy. I don’t want to have to worry about diabetes, heart attack, high blood pressure and stroke. All of these things run in my family, so I want to do what I can to NOT make the likelihood of getting them any higher.
I want to look good. I don’t want to weigh more than Dan does. It’s stupid – well, not so stupid – but it bugs me. Right now, I outweigh him by about 85 lbs. As if to prove some point Dan insists on picking me up and carrying me around, which he can do (though I yell at him not to, because one of these days he’s going to pop a hernia!). But still.

Anyway, the only thing that freaks Dan out about the procedure is the fact that I’ll have a permanent “port” in place on my stomach, probably higher up right beneath my ribs. The only thing that bothers me about the procedure is being put under for the surgery. I went through a c-section, the recovery of which was VERY painful, especially the first four days (I can remember breaking down in tears from the pain of walking from the bathroom to the kitchen without the support of my abdominal binder AND a pillow) after it. With a c-section, I was sliced open – my incision is about five inches long) – my stomach, through fat, muscle, tissue, and lastly, my poor, unsuspecting uterus. We’re talking major abdominal surgery here! So knowing what the pain from THAT is like, the pain from a lap band procedure, which is out-patient, consists of three to five tiny incisions, and involves no cutting or tearing into organs, should not be that bad at all.

So yeah. I’m tired of all of this. Right now my weight holds steady between 280 lbs. and 295 lbs. I’ve had enough. I want to be slimmer. And I really can’t wait until December 12th.

Related posts:

1. Tummy tuck?
2. Flying by
3. That’s some good stuff
4. Unfair
5. Timing, we’re apparently very sucktacular at it